no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
