I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
