if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
