the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
