She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
