I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
