I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
