Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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