I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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