Pass out mid-funnel last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
