YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
