Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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