i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
