dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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