remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
