I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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