READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
