Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
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then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
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He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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