we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize