i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
