So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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