The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
