Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
