I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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