this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
