Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
