She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
