NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
