He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
