dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
