Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
