Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
