The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My cat gives me a boner
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
