I'm going to jail i love you
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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