Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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