Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
