a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
