God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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