I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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