he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize