i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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