I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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