drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
