I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
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I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
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I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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