and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
