i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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