Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
