It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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