I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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