Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
