the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
