I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
