Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
