Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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