So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
