Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
