We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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