in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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