I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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