Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
