hell yes lets make some ravioli
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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