This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
